Spinning
by lettybobetty
Summary: Post-episode thing written after "It's No Fun if it's Easy" Season 2 Ep 6. Contains spoilers for all aired eps as of Nov 21, 2017. Not explicit so far but a girl can dream! I have been wanting to write this pairing for so long now, and I've started several, but then they get jossed or I lose my nerve, so please read & review, it means the world.
1. Chapter 1

Letty crept quietly from Jacob's room. The floorboards didn't creak once; her teenage years sneaking out of this house late at night had taught her well, and she knew every loose board to avoid.

"He's asleep?" Javier was waiting in the hallway. He spoke quietly, but she knew him well enough to tell when his clipped tone held tension.

She nodded, swallowing hard, unable to bring her eyes up from the floor. Holding it together while Jacob was awake and needed her to be strong had been do-able, barely. Now he was asleep, and she felt like she had already lost him. The cold emptiness was overwhelming. She mumbled something, swallowing hard, unable to bring her eyes up from the floor.

Javier's arms came around her then, careful, but strong, drawing her gently into his embrace. Her eyes slammed shut before tears could fall, her fingers curling desperately in his shirt. She pressed her face against his chest, just breathing him in.

They stayed like that for a minute, Letty holding herself very still. More than ever before she longed in that moment to be able to just let go, cry her eyes out, talk about everything she was feeling.

After a few minutes of just standing here in Javier's embrace, Letty let him lead her slowly to her bedroom. Her childhood bedroom. She stopped in the doorway and looked up at him, his eyes hooded in the shadows, remembering the last time she had seen him here, undone by his own father, confessing quietly that he needed her. She needed him now. She needed Jacob. She needed about 12 shots of vodka and a generous quarter of crystal meth too. She needed to be anywhere but here.

As if sensing her rising anxiety, Javier settled his hands on her shoulders. "I think we should take your mother up on her offer to let us stay here. At least tonight."

She shook her head.

"Letty."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't do this. Couldn't stay here, under the same roof as the woman who nearly put the both of them in jail, had nearly separated her from the one person in the world who made it possible for her to be a mother to her son—her thoughts crashed to a halt. Because she couldn't, could she? Not Jacob's more natural parent if that bitch in family court had anything to say about it. Not a natural mother if her own mother and grandmother were to be believed, but with Javier at her side, anything was possible. Was. Not anymore.

"Letty…"

"I need to get out of here," she hissed, forcing herself to look at him.

"I know." His thumbs were smoothing over her shoulder blades. "I know you feel that way, but with everything Jacob has been through tonight, if he wakes up…if he has nightmares, he is going to want his mother."

She stopped breathing. Maybe it was even true, but she couldn't do this anymore, it was too dangerous to let herself believe she could be a mother to Jacob, to see herself as clearly a Javier did in that role. She was no good for Jacob. But neither could she bear to argue with Javier, not now, not about this. If he still believed she was any use to Jacob then that was too sacred to walk away from. Her shoulders slumped.

Javier took her hand. "Come with me. I liberated your mother's best vodka while you and her were fighting. It's under your pillow."

He knew her so well. She nodded curtly and spun on her heel, heading straight for the bed. Javier followed her into the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him, but thankfully not turning on a light.

The room was dark, but Letty zeroed in on the pillow, revealing the bottle – he had even appropriated a jar of olives and a couple of shot glasses. She grabbed everything, the olive jar nearly sliding from her tense grip. It was wet with condensation – he must have brought them straight from the fridge – this registered in the back of her mind and suddenly it was too much, she couldn't think anymore, she needed it to stop, all of it.

She fumbled with the bottle but then long fingers covered her own and she surrendered the glasses and bottles to Javier.

He set them down on the bedside table. "Get on the bed."

His clipped tone brooked no argument, so she obeyed numbly.

He clicked the bedside lamp on, bathing everything in a warm light that belied the darkness inside her. When she was a child she had thought this nightlight to be so romantic, suffusing the room with a soft pink glow but leaving enough shadows that she could imagine herself far away from here, in a castle, in a fancy hotel, in any number of settings she had only seen on TV.

Javier methodically removing his shoes.

She wanted to yell at him to hurry up, to pour her a fucking drink already, she sat up on her heels on the bed ready to snap at him, ready to make a run for the window, ready to climb out of her own skin. She stopped when he placed a gentle finger across her lips.

"Let me."

She sank her teeth into her bottom lip as Javier started in on her shoes next.

When they were barefoot Javier arranged himself cross-legged in front of her, and ran a hand through his hair, leaving it uncharacteristically rumpled.

"I want to ask you something, Letty." He started unbuttoning his shirt, revealing a white t shirt underneath.

He sounded different somehow. Unsure of himself all of a sudden. Letty didn't trust herself to speak. So she shrugged.

"Have you ever played Turn the Bottle?"

Her eyebrows shot up. Whatever she had expected him to say, it was not that. "Have I ever _what?_ "

He cocked his head slightly to the side as he finished unbuttoning his shirt. He didn't take it off like she had expected, just left it open. Then he tucked his head down and began to pluck at her bedspread, as if suddenly shy. "I know we are just in high school, I know we will get in trouble if we get caught, but I snuck that from your mom's cupboard." He indicated the vodka with a nod of his head.

She blinked and sat up straighter. The air was charged between them now. "It's called _Spin_ the Bottle." She tried to inject just a little of her teenage know-it-all haughtiness into her voice, but it came out sounding more like a question. _Are we really doing this? Now?_

"Ah. Forgive me, Letty. We don't have this game in Argentina."

He spoke her name so carefully, for all the world like a teenage boy with a crush. He ducked his head a little again, letting his hair flop into his eyes and for just a moment she could so easily imagine him as a shy kid, tall before his time maybe, and dropping his head down like this.

"S'alright. You guys probably just went straight to drinking the bottle," she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

He grinned then, pushing the hair out of his eyes to look at her carefully. She arranged her own body to mirror his, crossing her legs under her and facing him.

"It's not going to spin on a blanket though is it," she challenged, tilting her own head in imitation of him.

His lips quirked and he looked around her room, his eyes finally settling on a yearbook on the top shelf. He stood up to grab it and she let her eyes drift to his midriff, bared to her gaze momentarily while he reached up to the shelf. For a second she felt a rush like a teenage girl with a boy in her room for the first time.

He flopped back down in front of her, somehow all elbows and knees, gangly and a little awkward, darting a glance at her as he held up the yearbook.

She shrugged again. "That'll do. There's only two of us though."

"Oh," he deflated slightly. Letty couldn't suppress a smile at the picture he made, his hair mussed up and big brown eyes in the moonlight streaming in her window where neither of them had bothered to draw the curtains.

She leaned in, giving him her best flirtatious wink. "I have an idea—we'll make our own version. Spin it and if it doesn't point at me, then it's like a drinking game, you have to do a shot."

He smiled widely, looking just a little goofy. "And if it _does_ point at you?"

"You'll just have to wait and see." She smiled coyly and twisted her fingers in her hair in the way she had always hoped made her look cute to boys when she was 13. And she didn't let her mind go down the path of what might have happened to her if she'd attracted someone like Javier instead of someone like Sean.

"Ok!" His smile widened impossibly further, making him look so young for a moment her heart hurt.

He busied himself balancing the bottle in the middle of the yearbook. "Ready?"

She nodded, but when he placed his hand on the bottle she said, "no wait."

He looked at her expectantly. Letty couldn't resist draping her hand over his for a moment, interlocking their fingers. "I think we should have a drink first. You know—for luck."

"I…uh, ok."

He righted the bottle, opening it just a little too deftly for an inexperienced teenager, but Letty could forgive him that, if she didn't get a drink soon it wasn't going to be pretty.

She lined up the shot glasses on the bedside table, taking the bottle from him and pouring it with just a little too much enthusiasm. Liquid almost sloshed onto the wood surface. She dropped the bottle back onto the table with an audible clunk and turned back to see Javier watching her steadily, his dark eyes boring into hers.

"Oops!" she smiled too brightly. _Stay with me, keep it light._

"Be careful, Letty. Don't let your mom hear us." The way he said her name, his tongue curling around the L like he wanted to taste her, made her stomach flip.

She handed him the shot glass. "Don't spill it, don't want the place to stink like a bar, I'll be grounded til next Christmas!"

He took the glass, his fingers brushing hers. Their eyes met and Letty couldn't resist lifting her eyebrows in challenge.

"Same time? One, two, three!" She downed it in one go, gamely sputtering a little even as she closed her eyes and welcomed the burn in the back of her throat.

"Wow," he mumbled when she looked at him again. He was staring at her, his eyes almost glazed like the alcohol was already affecting him. If Letty hadn't known from the first date they had had (and she supposed, only date) that he could match her drink for drink she might have thought he was as lightweight as the teenager he was pretending to be.

"You gonna get drunk fast!" she smirked.

"Will you have your way with me?" His words flirted with her but his expression remained sheepish and shy.

"Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll have your way with me!" she rejoined, matching his demeanor, looking down and pressing her lips together, grabbing for a pillow and half hiding her face behind it.

She peeked at him through her hair to see him licking his lips.

"I'm a gentleman, Letty Raines. You're safe with me." His eyes locked on hers, making promises that belied his honorable declarations.

"I don't want to be safe. Maybe I want tonight to be the night I go all the way." She jutted her chin at him in challenge.

His eyebrows disappeared into his bangs. "Um…"

"I think you need another drink, Javi," she added coyly, her hand reaching across for the bottle.

His hand closed over her arm. "Drinking _game_. Remember? You spin first."

She rolled her eyes. "It's going to take all night to get drunk then!"

He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. Letty had already figured out that slowing her down and keeping her mentally present with him was at least part of his goal.

She huffed out a long-suffering breath and accepted the bottle once he had tightened the cap back on it. Balancing it on the yearbook, she twirled it carelessly, but with being so full it didn't make it even a half turn.

"It's too full," she began.

"Uh huh. So drink, it's not quite pointing at me."

She pretended to glare at him as he took the bottle and poured her a measure that came nowhere near to overflowing the shot glass this time.

Letty accepted it from him and downed it, resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at him. Pretending to be someone else right then was exactly what she needed, but the second shot of vodka hitting her empty stomach and soothing the harsher edges of everything felt pretty damn good too.

"Your turn."

She watched Javier's long fingers give the bottle a deft twist, sending it in a full circle. They looked at each other.

"So does that count as pointing at you?" he asked hopefully.

"It's pointing at you, not me! So I guess that means you take a drink, buddy!"

Footsteps clattered on the stairs and she froze.

"Is that your mom?" Javier whispered urgently and she sent him a silent thank you for staying in character. He turned wide eyes to hers as she nodded.

"It's ok, it's just my mom and whatever number husband she's on right now. They won't come in here."

 _It's just my mother and Rob, it's not Jacob._

He reached out to grasp her hand tightly. They stayed still, fingers locked together, listening as Estelle and Rob made their way to bed.

"Need a drink," she muttered as the house fell silent again. There was no objection from Javier this time.

Her hands shook slightly and this time some vodka did spill onto her bedside table. She looked at it, droplets shining in the moonlight, her body frozen, waiting again for some sound from Jacob's room.

Javier slid off the bed, peeling off his outer shirt and using it to mop up the drops.

"Don't want you grounded, you know, like you said, if it smells like a brewery."

"My hero." She took a deep breath, seeking for the role again, letting her anxiety fade for now. She fluttered her eyelashes at him, seeing something in his face relax a little. "I have an idea for when the bottle points at the same person who spun it."

"Yeah?"

She let her gaze drift over the interplay of muscles in his now bare arms. "You have to take off a piece of clothing."

"Like strip poker?" His eyes were dancing. "And you'll do it too?"

"Uh huh."

"I like that idea, Letty."

"I thought you might."


	2. Chapter 2

Letty sat back against the headboard, pulling her comforter part way into her lap and bunching the familiar material in her hands as she watched Javier take off his shirt. He went slowly at first, darting shy glances at her.

"Are you blushing?" she teased him.

"I think that's you who is blushing." He abandoned his attempt at a kitschy strip show and pulled his t shirt over his head, tossing it at her with a lopsided smile.

Letty wolf-whistled at the now half-naked man in her bed.

His smile grew even as he shushed her. "I can't remember whose turn it is?"

"Yours, you need to drink to catch up with me," she challenged.

Cocking his head to the side and holding her gaze, he twirled the bottle just enough to point directly at her.

He smiled, shy but impish. "I won," he breathed. "I believe that is how this game works, yes?"

His body language read as shy and awkward, but his eyes blazed with such intensity her stomach dropped and all she could do was murmur a yes in response.

Her eyebrows rose as he rose up on all fours and stalked across the bed towards her, his shoulder muscles rippling. It wasn't until he undressed that it was obvious She chewed her lip lightly, her own eyes dropping to his lips then back up to his dark eyes, pupils blown wide in the dim pink glow of the lamp. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to be a teenage girl, nervous about her first kiss with a boy she had a huge crush on.

"I would like to kiss you, Letty. If that would be alright?"

All the snarky retorts that were on the tip of her tongue melted away when he sounded so earnest. She nodded slightly.

"Sit back. On the pillows."

She did as he asked, not so surreptitiously fanning her hair out on the pillow as she might have done as a naïve young teen, fancying herself the star in one of her mother's soap operas maybe. Her breath caught in her throat as he loomed over her, his eyes drifting to her mouth. Letty tried to lick her lips but her mouth was suddenly dry as he placed his arms either side of her head. As he lowered his face to hers she could hear her heartbeat thrumming in her ears. Her lips parted in a silent gasp. He paused inches away from her face.

"Okay?" he breathed.

She nodded rapidly, lifting a shaky hand to touch his bare chest.

With aching gentleness his lips brushed hers. Letty's eyes slid closed, she felt entranced. They must have kissed thousands of times before but it had never felt like this. She tilted her mouth up to his, seeking contact again. He met her with slightly firmer pressure this time and they kissed more sweetly and chastely than she had ever experienced.

He drew back too soon for Letty's liking. She made a low "mmm" and reached for him.

His smile was delighted. "Did you like that?"

She grinned lazily. "Better than vodka."

"Next time I'm going to use my tongue." He wiggled his eyebrows.

She burst into laughter, gasping when his hand shot out to cover her mouth.

"Shh," he whispered urgently, "Don't wake your mom!"

"I need more," she mumbled against his hand, stifling a giggle.

"More? More vodka?"

She slid both hands over his chest looping them around his neck and tugging him down until he was almost on top of her.

"Oh," he closed the last few inches between them and kissed her again, just as gently, moaning low against her mouth as her fingers threaded into his hair.

She had half-expected this to be the end of the role play, that they would just fuck now, but he was still holding back, resisting when she tried to deepen the kiss and carefully keeping his lower half braced above her.

Eventually he pulled back, running a hand through his hair and squeezing his eyes closed. Letty smirked to herself. He may be holding back but that didn't mean all of him wanted to.

"Your turn," he gasped, wriggling back on the bed with considerably less grace than when he had practically climbed on top of her. He held out a hand to help her sit up.

She raised an eyebrow, letting him pull her up and almost into his lap. She wriggled there, waiting to see if he would change his mind and kiss her again, but when he didn't she reached for the vodka and a shot glass.

His hand covered hers. "Spin," he instructed.

Letty rolled her eyes, but complied. The bottle didn't even make a half turn and she cocked an eyebrow at Javier.

He just smiled at her, pouring a conservative measure which she downed before he even had capped the bottle again.

"Take it eas—hey! It's my spin!"

Letty just shrugged and gave him her best truculent teenager stare as she twirled the bottle on the yearbook again. The bottle went right round this time, pointing more or less at her.

She squinted at it. "It's not really pointing at me, I get another drink."

His long finger stroked the side of the bottle and Letty couldn't suppress a smile when she noticed him not-so-discreetly straightening it to point directly at her.

"Strip," he commanded gleefully, waggling his eyebrows and almost bouncing in place. If he was going for an overly eager adolescent boy he had nailed it, Letty thought. Hoping to encourage him, she ripped off her shirt in one move, tossing it at his surprised face.

He caught it, fingers curling around the fabric. "Um, nice," he mumbled, then dropped his gaze before he could stare at her bra any longer, playing with her shirt that he now held in his lap.

Letty leaned forward, hoping to emphasize her cleavage. "Are we done with playing the game?" _Can I just drink all the vodka now and fuck you til morning?_

"Not yet."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, you're not like the teenage boys round here."

"No?"

"I'm practically begging you to rip my clothes off."

He looked at her directly. "I like to take my time."

She held his gaze and suppressed a shiver at the intensity in his eyes. "Okay then Javi, your turn."

He spun, he drank. She poured for him, no half measures there, he was already behind. She took a swig from the bottle before she capped it again and he watched her.

"Oops. Guess I forfeit a turn." She held it out to him. He spun it with vigor, it was less full now, but Letty reached out and stopped it when it was pointing at him, smirking up at him. "Now your pants."

He shuffled out of his trousers, keeping half an eye on her the whole time. Letty made no attempt to hide that she was ogling him.

He spun the bottle again over her protests that it was her turn. It pointed somewhere in the direction of her desk so she poured him another shot, but before he could take it, she tipped it back, sputtering for real this time, and giggling when he grabbed for it.

"Told you it was my turn!" she teased.

"There have to be consequences," he warned her. "You stole my drink."

She reached for the bottle. "I can just pour you another."

He made a hissing noise of dissent and lifted the vodka out of her reach. "I want you to forfeit something else." He let his eyes trail down her body suggestively and this time Letty couldn't suppress the delicious shiver that ran through her. She did manage to keep from saying _oh hell yesss_ and instead maintain something of her shy teenage girl persona.

"What do you want?" she asked demurely, lying back on her pillows again. He followed her immediately and her stomach flipped pleasantly.

"To touch you." His eyes locked on hers.

"All right." She kept her voice faint, tentative.

He pressed his lips together, his eyes darting back and forth to her face, as his hand came up first to cup her cheek, then trailed slowly downward. His fingertips moved slowly over the top of her breasts, tentative, respectful.

Letty stilled. He was gentle, too gentle. She had never been touched like this and she didn't know what to do with herself. She dug her hands into the blankets, reminding herself to breathe.

His hand skimmed lower, tracing the outline of a nipple that hardened immediately. He moved over her then, kissing just the corner of her lips. She gasped when he palmed her breast. Then he was kissing her mouth, as delicately as before, his hand caressing her like she was spun glass, like she might break.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured, reverence in his tone that was making her itch under her skin.

Her hands formed fists in the sheets and she sank her teeth into her bottom lip, trying not to cry out. She couldn't seem to remember to breathe and the room was starting to spin. For the first time that evening she felt drunk, too drunk and simultaneously still too sober.

She grabbed his wrist and he froze, his eyes finding hers, and she could see the concern there. It was too real.

"Too much?" he whispered.

Yes, it was too much. Too tender, too careful, too raw. She released a breath and tried to laugh it off, holding on to the voice of teenage-her. "I feel like you are going to pin me or something."

His brow furrowed in confusion and he started to lift his body from hers until she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You know, we'll be going steady and I'll be cheering at your homecoming game." Too late Letty realized that these were probably references who someone who hadn't grown up in America might not understand.

He tilted his head. "Does that mean you wear my letter jacket?"

Her lips quirked. "Something like that."

"I would like that," he said softly.

Letty made a face.

"Too much? Okay. No jackets. No pinning."

She blew out a relieved breath.

"But we **are** going steady though."

She smiled despite herself. "Yes," she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

So, in case it's not already obvious, I keep falling into the trapping of making everything too emo, and I apparently couldn't resist piling all my angst about this show, and Sean, and what Alice tried to force Letty to do with RJ, into this fic, sigh. My compromise with the part of me that wears big girl panties is that I've mostly sorta isolated the OOC angsty talky fic-as-therapy bit into just this chapter, and written it in such a way that if that kind of thing grates on you then you could just skip this chapter and pick up the role play in ch 4 and pretend ch 3 never happened :) You know, like as if romantic sentimental soapy schlock choose-your-own adventure was a genre :D

Javier hovered over her, dipping his head to claim her lips again.

"Exclusive," he murmured against her cheek. The shy tone he was affecting within the role play turned the word into more of a question than a statement.

Letty pulled his mouth to hers again, breathing an emphatic _yes_ against his lips.

"So…" His hand came up to stroke her hair. When he spoke again his voice was deeper, his eyes serious. "So, I know you weren't going to agree to what your Grandmother seemed to be asking today."

She froze, her stomach dropping. For his part Javier didn't miss a beat, dropping gentle kisses on her forehead, making a trail behind her ear then along her clavicle.

"I didn't think you knew," she said faintly. Her skin prickled in something like fear, which was ridiculous, she hadn't done anything wrong.

As if sensing her discomfort, Javier lifted himself above her. "So it is true, she wanted you to sleep with her husband."

She watched as his eyes slid closed as if he was in pain. "How did you know?" she whispered, her stomach clenching.

"I didn't know. It was a guess. I was hoping a wrong guess."

"Oh."

Her head felt like it was spinning. When she was with Sean he would have just about killed her for even contemplating seducing another man – unless it was for one of his productions and the other man was either on his payroll or otherwise acting under Sean's direction. She shuddered at the memories.

"Letty?" He trailed his fingertips down her arm then laced his fingers with hers, every movement calm and gentle.

"My grandmother said I was off my game." She wanted to curl in on herself but she was still lying back on the pillows with Javier braced above her.

"She did, huh?"

"It was her idea. She wants a divorce, said she'd get eighty percent if he's caught cheating, even it was just…just attempted…"

She couldn't the word Alice had uttered, like it was nothing: _penetration_. Maybe she was still channeling a much younger Letty, it wasn't like her to be squeamish.

Suddenly she felt too hemmed in and she placed her hand on Javier's chest. She barely applied any pressure but he nonetheless moved away, sitting back on his heels, watching her intently.

She sat up abruptly and rubbed her eyes. "I need a drink."

Without a word he poured a shot for her and she downed it quickly hoping he wouldn't see how her hands were shaking. Hell, what was wrong with her all of a sudden? She _was_ off her game.

She handed him her empty shot glass with a raised eyebrow, hoping he would pour her another, but instead he set the glass and bottle back on the nightstand. He was frowning. "So what happened? With RJ."

Letty grabbed one of her pillows and held it in her lap, already missing her teenage persona. "He, uh…"

Words weren't coming. All she wanted to do was go back to their game, go back to being a teenager with barely a care in the world, with some randy boy in her bedroom. She supposedly technically they hadn't stopped, but the atmosphere had changed between them.

"What?" Javier prompted, his eyebrows drawing down in a frown. "Letty, what did he do?"

She gulped. She had been going to say her grandmother's husband wasn't interested in her, that RJ loved Alice—but then Javier would know she had tried something?

"Nothing." She dropped her head to avoid the intensity of his gaze and pushed her fingers through her hair. "Nothing happened."

His hand fell on her shoulder and even though the pressure was light she flinched anyway. He removed his hand but she could still feel him hovering. "It didn't work?" he probed gently after a while.

She shook her head. "I didn't…I couldn't—" Couldn't seduce him and couldn't speak now apparently. She was further off her game than she had thought, and her psyche clawed to get back to the safety of playing a much younger, much more innocent Letty.

"Letty, look at me."

He didn't sound angry. She raised her eyes

"Letty, if he tried anything, if he so much as thought about it, I will go back there and kick his lily white ass from one end of his slave-owning ancestral plantation to the other." His tone was controlled for all the fury in his eyes.

Something inside her thawed, and her throat relaxed enough that she could speak. He _was_ angry, but not at her. He wouldn't hurt her; he wasn't Sean. Instead of looking to blame her, he was only concerned with protecting her.

"No, Javier, nothing happened. He…uh, well he confessed to me that he loves her—Alice—my grandmother. He's not even cheating on her. Not with anyone."

He was watching her closely. Letty swallowed, choosing her words carefully. She was an excellent liar, but lately she had been next to useless at lying to the man she loved. Even more worrying, she didn't _want_ to lie to him.

"He didn't touch me," she added.

He seemed to relax then, leaning forward and taking her hands in his, but carefully, as if afraid she might bolt.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. The whole time I mean."

She shrugged. "You had to get Sofia and Daniela. I get that. I wish I could have got out of there sooner and gone with you, I wish…" She trailed off. If they had left earlier maybe Teo wouldn't have caught up to them, wouldn't have nearly killed Jacob, and she would still have him.

His hand came up to her cheek. "Letty." He tilted her chin until she was looking at him. "Stay with me, okay?"

She nodded.

"You want to get back to the game?"

"Hell yes."

He nodded. "We will. I just want to ask you something first, it's important." His eyes searched hers. "You pulled away from me earlier…I was making you uncomfortable?"

She shrugged. He didn't stop her when she reached for the bottle again, his eyes tracking her every move as she had another shot. She was definitely feeling it now, and it made her braver.

"I don't know. I thought maybe you might…be angry. About RJ."

He waited for a moment before answering. "You mean angry with you?"

She lifted her shoulders, trying to shrug off the whole conversation. "I think maybe I'm just twitchy, ever since I got out of prison there have been guys trying to, well, you know."

The pause was longer this time. There was something in his eyes that Letty couldn't look at for too long before she had to look away. She had never had someone so invested in protecting her before, who wanted to know this stuff, the intensity was overwhelming. She reached for the bottle again but his hand moved softly over her wrist before she could grab it. She wished suddenly that he would just take her wrists and pin her down, it was so much simpler then, no more waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Letty?"

She swallowed. She couldn't (or wouldn't) remember the question he was waiting for her to answer. Instead she sought desperately for a way to get him pulled back into the fantasy with her.

"Javi?" She smiled up at him more demurely than she would ever do naturally. When he didn't say anything, just kept looking at her, she dropped a hand onto his leg. "I would really like to go all the way with you tonight."

She looked down then up at him again, shyly through her lashes. "I want you to be my first."

He released a long breath and give her a hooded look that promised they weren't done with this conversation. Then he straightened his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair before covering her hand with his own.

"I would like that, Letty. Very much."

He gathered both her hands in his then, drawing her close. "Do you trust me?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but his dark eyes conveyed so much.

She nodded. "I-I feel safe with you."

"Come here."

She climbed into his lap at his urging, feeling faintly ridiculous at first. But then his arms came around her and even that slight bit of moving around made her head swim as her body reminded her she had just drunk a lot of vodka on an empty stomach, and was more than halfway to getting totally wasted. Being in his arms balanced her, he held her securely and she wished she could just stay there forever.

"Letty, I don't want to pressure you into talking about anything you aren't ready to talk about."

"Mmm hmm." She nuzzled his neck, hoping to distract him.

"But I don't want you to be scared of me. Ever. I need you to tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

She bit her lip. "You haven't."

"You jumped. Earlier. When I touched your shoulder."

 _Oh._ "I thought maybe you were angry. That's all."

"Angry?"

"About RJ." Letty's mouth had gone dry again and her eyes drifted in the direction of the bottle of vodka.

He took a breath before answering. "I was angry. Angry at Alice for putting you in that position, and for using your need for money to try to force you. She is your grandmother, she should be protecting you." Letty snorted at that, but Javier continued. "Angry at the idea that that man might have hurt you, or taken advantage."

"And angry at me."

"No." He shook his head.

"But what if I had done it—tried to seduce him like my grandmother wanted me to?"

"Then I would be angry at myself for not being there to stop you, to tell you that you never have to do anything like that, no matter how much we need money. We will find another way. I will not let you be put into such a position."

Letty looked down at her hands and plucked at her fingers. "I would have done it," she said quietly. "We needed that money, we were out of time. I mean, I wouldn't have slept with him but my grandma was clear I had to come close to…" she trailed off, keeping her eyes down, not wanting to see disgust in his face.

"Would you have hidden it from me? What you had to do to get the money?"

She nodded, still not looking at him.

"Okay. Thank you for being honest."

When she didn't answer he hooked a gentle finger under her chin and lifted her face to his. "Letty. I'm not angry, and even if I was, I am not going to hurt you."

She scrubbed the palm of her hand across her face. "Sean would have." The words almost choked her, but Javier deserved to know at least something of what made her such a basketcase.

He just nodded. "And you were with him for a long time. From when you were very young."

"Yeah. I didn't manage to get away until I was pregnant with Jacob. I mean, I tried, but—" She lifted a hand and let it flop uselessly back into her lap, disgust at herself curling her lip.

"Hey. You _did_ get away. He never even knew about Jacob, not for ten years. You did that. You kept your son from growing up around that."

She shook her head. "I wasn't any good for him either though, not on my own."

But Javier wasn't like that. He wasn't Bryce, or that creep who cost her the job in the diner when she was just out of prison, or even Mickey of Rose's Garden, who had been surprisingly rough when he grabbed her to scare her—she just hadn't been expecting it, and it was probably because he didn't realize she was a woman. Javier wasn't any of those men. He wasn't Sean either.

Her mind stuttered on that last thought and she shook it, trying to clear her thoughts. She turned in Javier's arms, wriggling until her legs were wrapped around his waist and her arms went around his neck.

His dark eyes locked with her as his hands moved around her hips, supporting her. She rocked forward, just once, but it was enough to make his eyes lose focus slightly and his boxes tent in the front. Smiling now, she kissed him, hard, taking advantage of the distraction to move his hands lower until he was cupping her ass through her jeans.

"Where were we?" she murmured against his mouth.

He made an inarticulate noise in response and pulled her even closer, before appearing to catch himself. "M sorry," he mumbled. She ignored him, sliding her hands down his chest. He captured her wrists with his long fingers just before she could reach her goal. She could feel him trembling with the effort of holding himself back. Good, that made two of them then.

"Letty!" he gasped. "I…you might get more than you bargained for if you touch me _there."_

His boyish tone was back, sounding overwhelmed and completely turned on. She almost sagged against him with relief. She didn't resist when he shuffled backwards a little and reached for the bottle again, balancing it on the yearbook.

"Let's play a little more and see what happens, ok?"


	4. Chapter 4

Letty watched as Javier ran a hand through his hair and then tried to discreetly adjust himself in his shorts. She smirked, before remembering her much younger self probably would have been a little intimidated by the prominent evidence of his desire. But if she stayed this close to him she would never be able to keep her hands to herself –neither as her current self nor as a nervous girl, she would have rushed things, unable to handle the suspense. So with effort she dropped her eyes and crawled back around to the pillows.

He blew out a breath, whether in disappointment or relief she couldn't tell.

"My turn?" She injected as much reticence into her tone as she could muster. His shoulders relaxed a little.

"Yeah, probably." He shrugged, returning her shy smile with a bashful one of his own.

She spun, the liquid sloshing inside the bottle as it travelled in a full circle and came to rest more or less facing her.

"Aha! Your turn to lose more clothes!" Javier crowed.

"Oh." She bit her lip to hide her smile and wriggled out of her jeans without trying to be seductive, enjoying the lack of artifice the teenager role play afforded her. Even without her putting on a show, Javier's eyes tracked her every move. Then she crawled under the covers, almost snorting with laughter at the way his face fell.

"Aw come on, that is not fair!"

"It's cold," she shrugged. "Pour me another drink and maybe I'll let you come in here and warm me up."

He coughed. Letty went up on her knees to pretend to pat him on the back, letting the blanket slip. His eyes followed its progress.

A wave of dizziness threatened to topple her precarious balance on the bed. She blinked and grabbed for his shoulder to steady herself.

A strong hand closed around her arm and warm fingers cupped her cheek softly. "Okay?" he whispered.

"Just drunk." She smiled brightly at him, letting herself lean more of her weight on him. "Your turn," she prompted, gesturing in the general direction of the bottle.

His other arm came around her and he tugged her gently into his lap. She allowed him to settle her on his thigh, feeling a little silly, but her head was still spinning and it felt nice to let him fuss over her.

When he was certain she was stable, he spun the bottle, keeping one arm securely wrapped around her waist. His eyes barely left her face. The vodka bottle ended its circuit pointing away from both of them.

"Drink," she said coyly, pressing a flirtatious kiss on his cheek.

He looked at her like he wanted to devour her, and for a moment Letty held her breath. Then he poured himself a drink, his eyes still on her.

She drew back from him to spin again, the bottle more than half empty now. He grunted when she slipped off his lap, keeping one hand hovering in the air near her in case she needed it.

Her unsteady fingers slipped on the glass as she twirled the bottle clumsily. When it came to a stop pointing more or less at Javier, he lifted his eyebrows and smiled as he tipped her a wink. Returning his smile, Letty copied his actions from before, stalking toward him on all fours, enjoying the way his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat before she claimed his lips. She used her momentum to tip him onto his back and climb on top of him.

His hands threaded possessively into her hair and he kissed her thoroughly. Letty let their lower bodies come into contact as she lay across him, but when he began to buck against her she pulled away with a tutting sound.

"Oh my, Javi, now you really are making me blush," she giggled.

He followed her up, looking completely tousled and blinking at her sheepishly. She had the upper hand now and she was enjoying it. She wriggled out of his grasp, loving his low groan as she backed up onto the pillows.

"Your spin," she whispered. For a moment he looked like he was going to abandon the game altogether as he went up on his knees and leaned over her, but then he found the bottle and twisted it with vigor.

It made a full circle and pointed at him again. Letty grinned.

"Uh, I've only got one bit of clothing left to lose." His words sounded a little slurred.

"Mmm hmm," she agreed.

"If you're sure…I don't want to scare you," he intoned seriously, his eyes twinkling.

"Oh I'm sure, mister." She nodded, drawing her bottom lip into her mouth.

Javier slid off the bed and slowly discarded his underwear. Letty allowed herself to ogle him, pretending it was her first time seeing one of those things. "Oh," she breathed, and then pressed the palms of her hands firmly into the bed.

He waited patiently, his eyes searching her face. He didn't tease her, didn't try to rub himself on her or make her touch him, he just maintained his distance and let her look her fill. It was nice, she mused, how gentle he was like this, how kind and perceptive. Really nothing like a teenage boy, and what was standing at attention between his legs was nothing like a teenage boy either if her memory served. A corner of her mouth tugged up at that thought and she allowed herself a giggle, breaking the strange tension between them.

He smiled too, running a hand through his hair. "Are you laughing at me? Not what a boy really wants to hear from his girlfriend in bed, Letty." His grin turned impish.

She lifted her shoulders and hid her smile behind her hand.

"Speechless?" he asked.

"Mmm."

"Would it be easier if I turn the light off?"

She nodded. He clicked off the soft pink light, leaving only the moonlight coming in the window to illuminate his form. It was more than enough for her to still see his dark eyes fixed on hers. She let her gaze drift down to where the moonlight shone on the sharp planes of his hips.

"You should come into bed, wouldn't want you to get cold." She had meant to sound coy, but the teenage persona held strong and her words just came out as uncertain.

"Okay," he breathed.

She shuffled over in the bed, making room for him as he climbed carefully in beside her. The yearbook slid off the bed onto the floor but neither of them paid it any mind.

She bit the inside of her cheek waiting to see what he would do next. It was nerve-wracking not taking the lead, especially with the darkness lending credence to the fantasy that they were young and inexperienced, the shadows erasing the years from his face.

Letty cleared her throat and tried to tamp down her nerves. Javier was usually the more aggressive one in bed anyway. She loved that about him and it had never scared her before—well, not including the first few days they spent together, her trying to get away the whole time. He wasn't aggressive tonight though. He just reached out and stroked her hair back from her face as he laid her down on the pillows.

She sucked in a breath as he came over her. He paused, his eyes searching hers, then moved to her side, laying his head down on the pillow beside her.

They just looked at each other for a long beat. He lifted his hand and smoothed her cheek with the backs of his fingers, his caress feather light. "I know this is new to you, we don't have to do anything you are not ready for."

She gazed up at him, her lips twitching, simultaneously wanting to roll her eyes from teenage embarrassment and also just wanting to melt into his arms and never leave. "It's new to you too," she established.

He dipped his head in acquiescence. "Still. I want you to be comfortable."

She swallowed hard, determined not to tear up at his unrelenting tenderness. "I'm okay. Just…go slow okay?" He could have played this so many ways, a randy overly-enthusiastic teenage boy would have been something she could have wrapped her mind around more easily. But then, knowing him, nothing else made sense but this intensely adoring boyfriend persona. Would he have been like this with her in the real world when they first met if things had gone differently? If she had been shy or uncertain?

But where teenage enthusiasm she could deal with, how he was acting instead was deliciously intimidating. Part of her thrilled to it, loving how closely he watched her every move. If this really was her first time she would probably be genuinely nervous, and knowing herself she knew just how she would handle it– she would have flipped him over and taken control, gone too fast to think about what was happening. Instead she made herself lie still underneath him, just letting herself feel the anticipation, imagining she was just a little frightened, as if she really was a young teen, in bed with a man for the first time.

"I'm ready," she murmured.

He just nodded, still gazing at her. "I never want to hurt you Letty," he whispered huskily. He brushed her hair from her eyes again with so much tenderness Letty's eyes filled with unexpected tears. She closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears not to fall, and covered her face with her hands to stifle a snort: because of course she would tear up over this, an unreal fantasy, a game, but she couldn't let him see her cry over something real, something like losing her only child.

"Hey," he hushed her, cradling her against his chest. "Hey, it's ok Letty, I'm here. You're safe." He paused as she burrowed into his chest. Then his arms tightened around here and his voice dropped. "We're safe. We're together. Everyone is safe and under this roof and for right now everything is okay."

But it wasn't. Not really. And it was too much.

She shook her head blindly, wriggling out of his grasp just enough until she could wind her arms around his neck and pull him down, crashing her lips over his and shutting him up, shutting up those kind words, shutting up any hint of reality.

Something inside her began to relax when, after a moment's hesitation, he started kissing her back. She writhed underneath him, her fingers scrabbling for purchase on his back, scratching him lightly and spurring him on. Eventually he was matching her movements, his length leaving damp patches on her underwear as he thrust against her sinuously. His hands pushed into her hair, tugging it slightly in a way that went straight to her core.

She gasped for air, making him pull back slightly, and the dazed look in his eyes under now very tousled hair, made her rejoice.

"Letty—" His eyes were so dark, so hungry. Her stomach tightened.

"You're all talk, Javier Perreira." She kissed him to distract him as she pushed a hand down between their bodies. He made a choked sound against her mouth when she wrapped her hand as best she could around his cock.

He pushed himself up, bracing himself on his arms above her, panting, his eyes wild. "Letty, I…"

"Shhh." Her fingertips traced the base of his girth, hard and heavy in her hand. His breath stuttered in his throat. She stroked him up and down, mostly clumsily given the angle, but he nonetheless began to tremble above her, gulping for air and uttering guttural sounds of surrender. He all but keened when she moved her hand away to start to remove her panties.

"Wait," he managed, his eyes locking on hers. She could see there, if she looked hard enough, that he wasn't as out of control as he appeared. So Letty decided not to look that hard.

For his part Javier was studying her closely. "Let me," he whispered breathlessly. She nodded when his hand moved over hers and he slipped his fingers into the waistband of her underwear, slowly drawing it down and watching her eyes the whole time.

The room was quiet, the only sound their still labored breathing. Letty's breath hitched when Javier placed a gentle kiss below her navel, his long fingers curling around her hips.

Then his lips moved down and she mumbled a protest, tangling her fingers in his hair to pull his mouth back to hers before he could resume any kind of tender, worshipful actions with his lips and tongue between her legs. He was amazing at it but it always left her undone and she couldn't handle it, not tonight.

He followed her lead, kissing her hard again and rutting against her thigh. She wriggled underneath him, snaking her hand to the back of his neck to keep him close, enjoying how his weight pinned her down. He gasped for breath, moving his mouth to latch onto her throat, nipping at her with his teeth lightly as she whimpered in pleasure, her back arcing off the bed as she abandoned herself to his ministrations.

His lips moved down until he was mouthing her breasts, leisurely, as if he had all the time in the world. Only his occasional breathless growls gave away his building desire – that and the hardness of him when he forgot himself and rubbed against her. She moaned incoherently as he increased the pressure of his mouth on her breast and tangled his fingers in her hair. His tongue curled around her nipple, sending electric pulses to her core. She cried out and he paused, his fingertips trailing slowly across the sweep of her collarbone.

"Okay?" he breathed. She gazed up at him, her head swimming. His eyes were affectionate, yet focused, dark and intense.

She nodded. He kissed her thoroughly, taking his time, holding her firmly when she began to writhe again underneath him. Moisture was weeping from his length as he undulated against her thigh.

"Letty," he gasped.

She nodded in response, allowing him to lift up a little and meet her eyes. She was drifting, lost in the sensation of his caresses, and it took her a second to react when she felt his hand on her knee, smoothing over her skin before moving his lower body ever so slowly closer.

"May I?" His voice was quiet. Letty chose not to hear the reverence in his tone.

She let his hand carefully part her legs. When he moved in between them she lifted one leg to the side then wrapped it around his lower back, urging him closer. He breathed out in a rush.

Letty moaned appreciatively when his length pressed against her inner thigh. She could have sworn his fingers were shaking when they moved (too slowly) to explore between her legs. He could have been touching a woman for the first time he was so careful and delicate.

"Ready for me," he mumbled.

Letty nodded rapidly, although it hadn't sounded like a question so much as a statement of wonder.

"So wet, Letty."

She made what she hoped was an encouraging sound and allowed him to further part her legs.

He moved until he could brush the head of his length along her folds, delving into her never quite enough and sending her nerve endings into a tailspin. Her eyes slid closed and she moaned, starting to writhe underneath him again, seeking for more contact, but he just kept up the maddeningly slow pace, brushing her clit as if accidentally. The pleasure and apprehension mingled, her whole body going as taut as a bow as she tensed in anticipation, each pass of his cock through her folds only heightening the sensations and stealing her breath.

She opened her eyes when he breathed her name. His eyes were fixed on her face as he finally breached her core. He pushed into her just slightly, but she was so tense the pressure was incredible. She planted both her feet on the mattress and keened, soft and low in her throat. He hesitated, gazing down at her with equal parts adoration and wonder. "Okay?" he breathed, his voice pitched much higher than usual.

"Mmm hmm yes. Very." She smiled up at him, feeling shy all of a sudden like someone much less experienced, and just going with it. In a sense this felt every bit like a first time, it had never been like this for her, so emotional and tender.

The intimacy of the illusion bound them, with anyone else she would have been too embarrassed, couldn't have let go and embraced the fantasy of youthful inexperience, and it broke her free from under the avalanche of heaviness that threatened to engulf her when she thought of her son. Their role play opened possibilities, broke the hold of reality, loosed the constraints.

"I'll be gentle," he promised, his dark eyes locked on hers promised so much more than that. "If you need me to stop, or slow down, you will let me know?"

She nodded, knowing she would be doing no such thing. She needed it to be too much, too intense, too all-consuming and a little frightening or it wouldn't keep her here, where she desperately wanted to be, with the man she loved.

He rocked forward very gently, his eyes studying her face. She gasped at the feeling of his member, somehow blunter and moving with less finesse than usual, as if he really was an inexperienced and over-eager younger Javier. Her body was tense, and while she knew she could relax in an instant and let him in without any discomfort, Letty tightened up instead, enjoying the slight burn of the stretch as he rocked into her again, this time pushing inside a little.

His eyes widened. "Tight…" His tone was strained.

The tension in his tone reverberated through Letty, making her muscles tighten further. She gulped when he moved again.

"Am I hurting you?" His frame trembled with the effort of holding back, his voice raw with need.

"Don't stop." Her hands scrabbled for his shoulders. "It's okay, please, Javi…" she pleaded with him when he didn't keep moving.

With trembling fingers he brushed her hair back from her face tenderly, and kissed her mouth. Then he thrust again, stronger now.

She gasped at the pressure, her fingernails digging into his shoulders for purchase. He seemed about to withdraw again so she moved her heel to the small of his back to hold him close and clamped down around him, using causing him to relinquish control and lose any kind of rhythm, pumping his hips in a frenzy, burying himself deeper with a guttural muffled howl.

Letty's body surrendered to him, the immense pressure of the intrusion against her tense muscles making her cry out. Her head fell back as the force of his thrusts lifted her off the bed.

"Oh, fuck, Let-ty…" He sounded like he was teetering right on the edge of losing control now. He wasn't going to last long, but then neither was she.

She could manage nothing more coherent than a moan in response, her senses alight with the sensation of him moving inside her, filling her almost painfully with every stroke.

He pressed her into the mattress, reaching for her hand when she gasped louder. She arched off the bed, meeting him thrust for thrust. He interlaced their fingers together, steadying her and allowing her to gulp down air.

Somehow he managed to get a shaky hand between their bodies and fumble for her clit. She let loose a fierce wanton cry when his talented fingers found their objective. He growled in response, pushing into her forcefully as she flexed the leg that was wrapped around him.

Shimmering waves built up inside her, rippling through her as she clenched around his girth. He made an incoherent noise, dropping his head to her shoulder, desperately trying to stifle his incoherent growls against her skin. His teeth grazed her collarbone and an intense pulsing sweetness spread out in fluttering ribbons from her core, a light behind her eyelids crested bright until, overwhelmed, she threw her head back as she came, a sob tearing from her throat, her body arching uncontrollably.

Javier pitched forward, pressing her down and jerking spasmodically against her as she cried out underneath him, consumed by him, yielding to his punishing thrusts. Her own orgasm stretched out in honeyed agony and she was just reaching the point of almost painful sensitivity when he finally spent himself, dropping onto his elbows on top of her, her name stuttering on his lips.

She looped her arms around his neck, drawing him down into her embrace with something between a sob and a whimper. She felt completely wrung out, full and empty all at once.

He lifted his head when she sobbed again. Staring at her in wonder, his eyes were dazed. "Letty," his voice was raw.

"Javi," she whispered, a lump in her throat preventing her from saying anything else. _I love you. I need you. Don't ever leave me._

His eyes, dark and searching, locked onto hers. He caressed her face, his touch tender and claiming. "My Letty."

He let her draw him down again into her arms as he rolled to the side, slipping out of her and cradling her against his chest. She pillowed her head on him with a contented sigh.

"Are you okay, Letty?" The pitch of his whisper was higher than his usual timbre as he tightened his hold on her protectively.

Her insides ached in the most pleasant way but she mumbled an affirmative, snuggling against his chest. She let the afterglow carry her along in the fantasy of not being her, the weight on her chest gone now.

"Are you sure? I didn't hurt you?"

She licked her lips, exhausted, wasted, but unable to resist continuing the game for a few more moments. "For a boy that didn't know what he was doing, that wasn't half bad."

He grunted. His hands stroked sweat-dampened tendrils of hair back from her forehead.

"I lost control," he muttered after a while, his voice slurred with the aftermath of pleasure, but the underlying concern unmistakable.

"That's what teenage boys are supposed to do."

"Mmm." He ran his hands all over her, taking his time, caressing her face, smoothing down her hair, and rubbing her arms. She almost wanted to purr it felt so incredible. Her nerve endings seemed extra-sensitive to his touch.

"I wanted to be very gentle for your first time, though," he mumbled, ducking his head and hiding his face in her hair. His arms tightened around her possessively.

"Well, there's always next time," she reassured him, hugging him back and repressing a smile as she tousled his hair. "Uh oh. What if we made a baby?" She couldn't resist teasing him.

His eyebrows drew down in confusion. She had been on birth control from their early days of being together, and she knew he knew that, but it didn't mean their teenage alter egos had shared that foresight.

Hesitantly his hand crept over her flat stomach. "A baby," he repeated, sounding stunned at the idea.

"Well, if I recall from health class, that is how this works, right?"

She smirked, noticing the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Shoulda pulled out, I guess."

"Right. Dunno what sex ed you took but I'm not sure that's the best protection." She was grinning now, he couldn't help his smile but otherwise he looked adorably flustered.

"Then I guess we'll have a baby. Baby Letty."

His smile grew and his hand pressed against her stomach, warm and heavy, the weight of it comforting. It centered her and dispelled the remnants of the disorientation that had had her spinning all night long.

"Scandalous," she whispered. "Teen mother, a baby out of wedlock." She wanted to sound disapproving but somehow her voice just sounded fairytale-like to her own ears, as if she was floating and nothing could hurt her. As if she was safe.

He shook his head. "No scandal. We will get married. Have a house by the water."

All further teasing died on her lips as she watched his eyes soften. His hand gentled on her waist, his touch and his expression so tender she couldn't hold his gaze. She let her eyes slide closed as they misted over, and she buried herself in his embrace again. No more thinking, no more spinning out of control, no more anything. She surrendered to sweet oblivion in his arms.


End file.
